Shit happens


  • TAOISM: Shit happens.
  • CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, „Shit happens”.
  • ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?)
  • JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?
  • ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.
  • COMMUNISM: Equal shit happens to all people.
  • CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad.
  • PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training.
  • SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you’re on our shit list.
  • ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
  • UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let’s have coffee and donuts.
  • RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else.
  • JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?
  • REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?
  • MYSTICISM: What weird shit!
  • AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?
  • ATHEISM: I don’t believe this shit!
  • NIHILISM: Who needs this shit?
  • AZTEC: Cut out this shit!
  • QUAKER: Let’s not fight over this shit.
  • FORTEANISM: No shit??
  • 12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit.
  • VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you!
  • NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening.
  • DEISM: Shit just happens.
  • EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn’t happen; shit is.
  • SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.
  • CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind.
  • BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind.
  • SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere.
  • HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.
  • WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen!
  • HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice.
  • THEOSOPHY: You don’t know half of the shit that happens.
  • DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before your were born.
  • SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays.
  • JEHOVAH’s WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.
  • MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens.
  • HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.
  • BAHA’I: It’s all the same shit.
  • STOICISM: This shit is good for me.
  • OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you.
  • EST: If my shit bothers you, that’s your fault.
  • REAGANISM: Don’t move; the shit will trickle down.
  • FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time.
  • CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the shit away.
  • EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.
  • DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today.
  • RASTAFARIANISM: Let’s smoke this shit.
  • CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesn’t smell bad.
  • MASONIC: Shit happens, but we can’t discuss it during Lodge.
  • RED CROSS: Shit happens – send money.
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